Can you relate to any of these situations?

Have you ever noticed a social media “friend” unfollowing you? That mini mental spiral of anger and self-questioning, replaying what could have possibly gone wrong?

Or when a friend goes out with someone else and you were never invited? That tinge of jealousy, wondering why you weren’t included.

What about when someone promises to call or text back, but they never do? The feeling of upset, labeling them as flaky, and replaying past interactions, asking yourself, “What could I have possibly done?”

Here’s another one – in a romantic relationship, when your partner shares their feelings and desires, do you immediately feel attacked? Maybe you think, “What am I doing wrong now?” or doubt if you’re good enough for them.

And when someone talks about all the incredible things happening in their life, do you wonder, “Why is it so easy for them?” or “What’s wrong with me that I can’t have those things too?”

These are just a few of my own experiences, but I’m sure there are a million more examples.

Today, let’s explore a topic that resonates with many of us – the art of not taking everything personally. I’ve taken things personally for as long as I can remember, until now. I find myself at a pivotal moment in life, finally understanding my worth and shifting out of this pattern. It feels like a brand new me.

If you’ve also noticed that you tend to take things personally but don’t know how to heal this, then let’s embark on this journey together.

We have to start by understanding the root of it all. We take things personally when we feel unworthy, unlovable, undeserving, or disconnected from our true nature. Let’s break this down a little more:

Low Self-Esteem and Self-Worth:

• Root Issue: Childhood experiences of criticism, neglect, or a lack of validation can lead to low self-esteem. When a person doesn’t feel inherently worthy, they may seek external validation, making them more susceptible to taking things personally.
• Core Belief: “I am not good enough or worthy of love and acceptance.”

Perfectionism and Fear of Failure:

• Root Issue: High expectations and pressure to succeed in childhood can lead to a fear of making mistakes or disappointing others. This fear can result in taking criticism or failure very personally.
• Core Belief: “I must be perfect to be accepted and loved.”

Sensitive Nature or Empathy:

• Root Issue: Some individuals are naturally more sensitive or empathetic, which can make them more attuned to the emotions and behaviors of others. This heightened sensitivity can lead to taking things more personally.
• Core Belief: “Others’ opinions and actions define my worth.”

Past Trauma or Abuse:

• Root Issue: Childhood experiences of trauma, abuse, or neglect can significantly impact a person’s self-worth and sense of safety. This can lead to heightened sensitivity and a tendency to take things personally as a means of self-preservation.
• Core Belief: “I am not safe, and I need to protect myself from potential harm.”

Lack of Healthy Boundaries:

• Root Issue: Growing up in an environment where boundaries were not respected or enforced can lead to a difficulty in asserting oneself and expressing needs. This can result in taking others’ words or actions personally.
• Core Belief: “My needs and boundaries are not important or valid.”

Unresolved Emotional Baggage:

• Root Issue: Unresolved emotional experiences from childhood, such as abandonment, rejection, or betrayal, can continue to influence a person’s perception of themselves and others in adulthood.
• Core Belief: “I am not lovable or deserving of genuine care and attention.”

So, let’s paint a picture here – you trip and fall, leaving a deep cut/wound on your leg. Every time you see someone else’s legs, you compare yours to theirs and notice they don’t have the same wound. Instead of taking time to see a specialist to help clean and stitch it up, give your leg some love and care, you judge yourself, asking, “What is wrong with me?” Letting the wound continue to hang open, become infected, preventing you from walking, connecting with people, doing fun activities you love, living in your joy.

(Link to my “This Is My Truth” Journal)

“But Nas, how do we start to heal this Unworthiness wound?”

Let’s start with the first step together. Grab a pen and paper or open the notes section on your device.

Becoming aware of your feelings without attaching your identity to them:

• Write a list of all the feelings that make you feel wrong, less than, weak, unlovable, unacceptable.
• Next to each one, write: What kind of person has those feelings?
• Do you allow yourself to feel them, or do you cover them up, hide, or avoid them?
• When did you learn it was not okay to feel these?
• What has it cost you to not feel them?
• How would your life improve if you allowed yourself to feel them? What is possible for you?

Debbie Ford wisely said, “It’s important to understand that you resist your feelings only when you take them personally or when you believe that experiencing certain feelings means something about who you are–about your character, your value, or your acceptability to others. You withhold and suppress your emotions when you believe that expressing your feelings might actually jeopardize your place of belonging in the world. If you feel angry, you might tell yourself that something is wrong with you or that you are mean. If you feel scared, you may interpret it as evidence that you are unlovable, incompetent, unworthy, or incapable of taking care of yourself. It’s your interpretations of your emotions – not the emotions themselves – that you resist the most.”

As we continue to embark on this journey of embracing our worthiness and letting go of taking things personally, remember that you are not alone. We are all works in progress, learning and growing together.

Be gentle with yourself. Celebrate your victories, no matter how small, and acknowledge your courage in facing these deep rooted beliefs. You are deserving of love, acceptance, and all the wonderful things life has to offer.

May you find strength in vulnerability, and may your heart be filled with compassion, both for yourself and for others. Together, we can create a space of understanding and kindness, where we lift each other up.

For more 1:1 support on this email me nasreen@nasreenelizabeth.com. I would love nothing more than to help you live in your power.

For access to my FREE 10 Minute Guided Meditation please join my email community here – at the bottom of the page – and send me an email with the Subject line: Free Worthiness Meditation.

With love and gratitude,

Nas